For the little geek inside you...

A day full of ravenous adventure, dear readers!

What would YOU give to sit through a 90 minute presentation on the Machiavellian benefits of your very own time share? Well, if the price is a deep dish discount at a Hilton on the Big island, sign me up! Especially if you play it like an Olympic event, as my wife and I do.

Having sat through these things 4 times now, it’s starting to feel like an old shoe. Sure, it’s annoying to look at, but it feels soooo good when you slip it on.

It starts out with the “glad hand”. No, that’s not some euphemism for a spousal party favor, just the technique used by our agent as she “gets to know us”.

“Tell me about yourselves. Do you have any kids? How often do you travel? What can I do to put you in a timeshare today, hmmm?”

We sit, we smile, nod intermittently, even throw in a “wow!” or a cleverly timed “huh!”.

In the end, we know we’ve got her. Away with your complimentary beverages! Nay to your tales of grandchildren who love you eternallyfor the trip to Spring break you gave them for their sweet sixteen, we’ll have none if it, thank you very much!

Rebuffed, she excuses herself for a drink of water. A TEN MINUTE drink of water. Then she quickly sidesteps in with glimpses of captivating cabanas, luxurious lodges, and bucolic bungalows. Still, we parry each and every entreaty.

Time to bring in Alec Baldwin. ALWAYS BE CLOSING….the manager.

He enters, chuckling, happy to see us and oh so interested in our family and our vacations. He comes with calculator, pen and paper, and an intricate grid with numbers crunched so diabolically that we cannot hope to stand against the crushing weight of “look, see you’re really SAVING money!!!”

We bend, looking at one another in concern. Maybe this IS right for us, maybe we COULD afford this after all, maybe we ARE missing the opportunity of a lifetime. How did this happen? We were SO close!

They leave for a moment to give us a chance to think it over…

…and time to regroup. Oh yes, TIME TO REGROUP!!!

When he returns, all smiles and smug, he floats down to his chair, ready to weave the last strands of his sinister web.

But it’s a “no” from us, and before the words had barely left our mouths, he was gone, off to find weaker prey somewhere in the catacombs of cubicles.

Well, that was fun. Especially fun after deciding not to apply for a second mortgage today.

After that it was off to the lagoon where Taylor and Jake were vested up for their Dolphin quest experience. As we watched dutifully from a thatched canopy above with beers in hands, the two newest Jacques Cousteaus deftly flashed their hand signals as the dolphins swam up and back, pausing for flips in the air and waves of tail and flippers. As the kids plopped fish into the waiting sea mammal’s mouth, it smiled at them; a big, toothy smile.

Wait, I recognized that toothy smile…it’s the same smile that time share Voldemort had! He’s going to try and sell them a piece of the Hilton! That evil son of a Flipper!

Before I could pounce into the azure blue water, I saw the glee on the faces of my niece and nephew and realized that the dolphin probably wasn’t going after their non-existent retirement savings, he just wanted their fish.

We left the confines of the dolphin lagoon for the pool, this one complete with pounding waterfalls and water slides. We staked out a group of chairs near the “splash zone” exit of the water slide.

Bad idea. For as the kids journeyed down their slip n’ bleed, each time they’d croon “c’mon, Uncle Rob, come down the slide with us.”

First off, dont let the fact that we’re in a tropical paradise fool you. That water is COLD. I don’t even want to be in the 3 foot high kiddie pool, much less plunge 150 feet into into arctic water.

But, their cuteness won out. And this nearly 40 year old, bald and overweight nervous Nellie trudged up the stairs to his fate. The thought that his bloated carcass might careen over the edge occurred to him more than once. Were his affairs in order? Had he said goodbye to his loved ones?

An hour later, this man had been down the water slide, safe and sound. In fact, this man had been down the water slide no fewer than 8 times.

And this man loved every minute of it…

A delicious dinner with a lot of laughs (and only a few tears) ensued. Then back safe and sound to our lair for a half hearted attempt at watching a movie before everyone conked out for the night.

What surprises will tomorrow hold?

Having a Cuba Libre with some delicious local hawaiian rum. Had a long day out with the family viewing waterfalls, gorgeous hidden tropical valleys, crashing seaside waves, beautiful flowers, eating coconut milk ice cream, and driving thru clouds (you heard me right, we drove through clouds), before settling down to a smorgasbord dinner courtesy of the local ABC market. About to set the kids up with a movie and settle in before an all day hangout at the pool tomorrow, with the kids going to Dolphin Quest. Aloha!!! Miss you all!!!

First full day in Hawaii began with a bowl of Raisin Bran and a walk among the lava rocks with my niece and nephew. We spotted some mongooses (mongeese? mongoose?) playing among the brush. Then we took an hour drive up north Kohala to Polulu lookout. If you get a chance, google it and take a look at those pictures. Truly spectacular… We started to take a hike down to the black sand beach. Fortunately, our pounding hearts made us think twice, so we turned back after a few candid snapshots of family smiling.

Just to take a time out from the Hawaiian splendor, let me tell you how much I love traveling with my family. Not just my wife Nicole, but my brother-in-law’s family (Dave, Dawn, Taylor, Jake). We have a great time together, we laugh and soak up those life changing moments as we trek through the Hawaiian desert and rainforest. This trip in particular has been fun so far, as both kids have finally reached the age where they’ve developed their own personalities and can do things on their own. Im enjoying their sense of humor. After the lookout, we drove down the coast, through beautiful mountains and pastures, stopping in a little town for some local ice cream. Favorite flavor of choice? Homemade macadamia nut…dear Lord, so good. After that we stopped at a beach Nicole and I discovered while here three years ago, Mauna Kea beach. At the back end of a hotel, it featured some of the best snorkeling I’ve ever had, but it was VERY windy. So we drove back to the hotel and spent a couple of hours at the hotel pool. My niece and nephew giddy as they got to plunge down the pool’s three waterslides before coming back to the room for some sandwiches and college football. All in all, a great first full day on the Big Island. But what will tomorrow bring?

Blog!!!!